Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Randomize
