she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
