i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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