Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
