It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
