A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize
