She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
