so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
