You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize