I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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