Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
The adults are the big ones right?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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