You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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