Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
