there's paper in my vomit.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
No subtext here. People are naked.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
