i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
