Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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