i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
