just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize