He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
We have so much sex to catch up on
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
