thus making me awesome and them whores
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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