I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
