Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
