I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize