I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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