Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
