yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
