well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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