Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
