I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
ugly people sure do ruin things
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
