First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
