Michael Bay diarrhea
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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