im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm like, not good at living.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
