Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Randomize
