Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
