i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Never joke about your clitoris.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize