I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
