Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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