Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
