So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
