i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
