i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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