Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
