U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
