Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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