that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
