watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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