the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
