My girlfriend figured out who you are.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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