I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
