I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
