I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
