you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
