Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Randomize
