he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
