Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
