Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Pants are for mortals
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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