You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
