You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
