The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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