is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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