final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
