I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
If I die, sorry about rent.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
