Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
