Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
