I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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